Friday, January 13, 2017


Our Christmas was a really good one. We went to church that morning and it was a wonderful Christmas program. I really do love it when we get to go to church on Christmas. I will always remember when I was a kid I was really upset we had to go to church on Christmas. I complained to my Mother and she put me in my place very quickly. I don't quite remember what she said word for word, but the lesson was understood.  We got to Skype with our families. We even did a Wii U Mario Kart tournament Skype session. It's nice to be able to connect with them by modern technologies when you can't be there physically. 

New Years Eve was pretty low key. We celebrated with the kids during their waking hours because it's not in anyone's best interest to keep them up. Then Ryan and I were falling asleep by 8PM. But woke up and then was able to stay up and welcome the new year in. I welcomed it in by playing around with editing photos. 

This year was unusual as Ryan got New Years Eve and Day off.  Then we also got to go on a date too! We went down to Ryan's parents and dropped the kids off. The kids had so much fun. They really do adore going to their grandparents. I think they ask to go almost every day. We went out to see Rogue One and had Dinner at Texas Roadhouse. We were pretty much full by the time our dinners were brought to the table, which made for some really delicious left overs. 

We've enjoyed the zoo pass we've received from my parents. It's going to provide a lot of fun in our downtime. The kids love it so far, and it has the added perk of being able to practice photography as well for me.

Indoor lighting is still the hard area for me. The Chameleon was kind enough to climb right under the light so it was perfectly lit for me!  I think I'll have to bring my external flash next time to get some good ones. 

With a new year comes changes. 
This year I am back in school. With the changes it looks like I'll be able to stay till I get my degree. Ryan is changing up his plans. He's going through another program which better fits his needs. It has the perk of being online and also being much cheaper. So this semester I'm redoing one of my science credits since the school wants those to be within 5 years and mine were barely just expired. I'm getting excited though. Of course that's going to change come time to take the first test and doing topics I'd rather not.  I think this change overall is good for our family. I think the program Ryan has changed to will enable him to finish school and be less stressed without having to worry about jumping around his work schedule. 

Cam is pretty much 100% potty trained! He now has the rare accident. It's awesome. Though the other day I went to school to fill out a form and on the way home Cam says he has to pee. I was going to stop at the store to pick up materials I needed for class. Then it shifted to I peed. I asked him if he peed or he needed to pee. He said needed too. So I continued on to the store with the plan to let him pee there. Turns out he was in fact wet and he got a brand new pair of pants. The one time I forget his extra clothes! Lucky for me though they were on clearance. 
Cameron is now a sunbeam! 

Cole is back in school now. I think he missed it over Christmas break.  He's become a really good eye roller. Sometimes they are so dramatic it's hard not to laugh. Then at others I get really annoyed at the attitude that is being thrown at me.  One thing that has been fairly new is if we are getting ready and Cole gets into trouble enough that he gets to sent out he'll get a little panicky and cry out
It's so sad he worries about that. I try to reassure him that I won't ever leave him. Cole has also been really good about using words to express how he feels instead of throwing mean words. I guess the Mommy break down left a impression on him. Now he will tell me frequently that he loves me all day. He's a observant little guy. He will occasionally play with my hair because it's what Dad does. It melts my heart each time. Added bonus is he doesn't rip my hair out!

I still write 2016 by the way. I have to correct myself about 80% of the time.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

1 year and going

Christmas season is always a little chaotic. Each year I vow never again and promise myself to do better next year. But am I kinder to future me ever? Nope. Now present me has been scorning past me for putting off a lot. Maybe present me will learn a lesson and be nicer to future me.

This year has been a oddball. I wasn't sure what this year would feel like after the doozy of last year's Christmas season. Last year I had experienced a miscarriage a year ago. I think it was a year ago today actually. It's still a vivid memory. It's one I'm at peace with completely. Well completely most days. There are still rare times were I mourn the opportunity lost.  Today is a little tender. A facebook memory came up from the Christmas party we went to when I began to feel the miscarriage. It came rushing back. I remember curling up on our bed to watch a movie trying to get comfortable, but comfort physical nor emotional was coming. Then trying to pretend to be strong and OK. 
Like I said memories and emotions came flooding back. 

I don't have three kids.  I have two amazing ones. 
Cole experimented playing with words this week. He didn't get his way and said he didn't love me and only Dad. I explained to him that words hurt. I explained he should say he's mad at me instead of saying he doesn't love me. The first time I let it go. It stung of course, but I know kids say stuff like that and they don't really understand the pain they can cause. 
Then as the day went on his attitude just got worse. So he had another talking to. I explained to him he would have a much better day if he would listen and follow the rules. He wouldn't get into trouble and would be happier.  Then I told him that I loved him. Snarky Cole hadn't left yet. He retorted
"I love Dad."

Twice in one day? Low blow kid. 
I started to cry. I have insecurities about that. Being around the kids more I get to discipline them more. So I'm not nearly as much fun as Dad is.
 I was trying to hide at first that I was crying, it soon became pretty obvious I was crying. Cole came up and put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed it back and forth. He said 
"I love you and Dad."
I thanked him and hugged him. I told him that I loved Dad a lot too. That I loved him and Cameron too. I explained again that words can really hurt people and we need to be careful how we use them. 
Cole set a good example too, because Cameron came up and began to comfort me as well. He began to tell me he loved me. 

I felt I broke a parenting rule. I let my kid(s) see me in a really weak moment.
But today Cole has told me he loves me so much. I try to not let them in on moments where I feel stress, or anything that may make them feel less secure.
So that is not how I wanted that moment to go when it came up, because honestly I always knew that moment would come up. Today Cole even used "I'm mad at you" instead of that other phrase. But I'm learning that parenting seldom goes the way you intend it to.

I'm thankful for the family I have. We are teaching each other a lot. And I really do have some amazing boys who care and do love me.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Election 2016 For Cole and Cam

Cole and Cameron,
This is something I've been avoiding writing about. This year strong opinions were everywhere. I held a very strong one myself.  Then it got even stronger.
This year's candidates were no one's(mostly) favorites. The DNC got caught red handed being naughty. Trump had a few(lots) of controversial things to say. 
Trump for me is a huge trigger. 

He has so many characteristics of a person I knew. A person from my past who I do not like talking about. So when that video came out of Trump saying those things and then said it was just "locker room talk". Well it got heated fast. I went from not liking him to being repulsed by him. It sealed up my vote. I couldn't vote for him, and I now couldn't vote 3rd party. I had to protect myself from him.  

A lot of things were said and a lot of things were done. People were/are at each others throats. 

Election Day. 
I was stressed. 
The moment I learned Trump won, I was devastated. 
Now it felt as if I had to respect and work for that person from the past. I have to deal with the man who has instilled so much fear in so many people in our nation. 
I cried. 
I cried a lot on the 9th too. 

I cried because of my experience and because of the fear many were feeling as well. 

Now what?

I listened to Hillary's speech and was surprised at her willingness to work with Trump. I'm certain she has a disdain for him stronger than mine. She had to deal with him a lot more personally than I ever had to. I watched Stephen Colbert's video that went viral and he did something I hadn't done all day. Laugh.  He mentioned that we were divided as well and we desperately needed to come together. 

I then finally felt humbled enough to receive help from Heavenly Father. I was just hurting.  The answer I received wasn't anything huge. 
"Have Faith."
I wasn't really happy because I thought "hey I'm here because I'm struggling with that!"
I went to get Cole from the bus and as I was running to the car he looked at me with glee in his eyes.  Then the answer came again and even stronger.
"Have faith in them"

The President of this country doesn't teach my children. I do. I am with them every day. We've had some pretty bad presidents and we've also had some great ones. Someone, somewhere has been changed from this election for the good. Someone, somewhere is going to be that president we need. They will be honest, and will fight for the rights of everyone. They will break down walls. Hillary wasn't that person this year. Maybe in four years she will be the right one. 

I have been reminded to Have Faith. Have Faith in Heavenly Father's plan. To trust it. He'll help us and help those who are making a difference. To inspire and prepare them. We have been promised that Heavenly Father has a plan. Sometimes the plan is incredibly confusing and at times it just hurts. But without the pain we don't know the good. Without pain we are stagnant. We are growing and so is that person Heavenly Father is preparing. 

I will fight on things I need to. I will support the things I believe are good. Just as I would with any other President.  So chin up. Be your personal best. Show others this election does not define you.  Our past experiences hurt a lot sometimes. I know this. Others do too.  We have had moments of persecution. In my experience sometimes it's just wiser to let it go and move on.

So my dear ones Cole and Cameron, I have faith in you. I have faith you'll respect women. You won't ever "mansplain" to them.  I have faith you'll help those in need. I have faith you'll fight for the rights of others. I have faith that you'll work hard to figure out solutions and compromise where you can. I have faith you'll respect others and show kindness even when it's easier to show hate. I have faith you'll be fair in forming your opinions. I have faith that your generation will be strong where mine is weak. I have faith because right now your generation is learning from ours. You'll see what works and what doesn't. I love you both. I'll do what is called of me now. I won't take the decision of whom I elect lightly. I'll do my best. You're going to see moments where I fail and fail miserably, but in those moments your Dad just shines. Because working together works. It's hard but it's worth it. 
Cole and Cameron thank you for helping Heavenly Father remind me of His plan. Thank you for helping the sun come back in and putting the past where it belonged.  Thank you for helping me realize that we can still move forward.

And just like Stephen Colbert said, may we NEVER have another election like this again. I'm so grateful you boys were too young to really get what was going on this year.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Cole Turns Four

I'm a pretty lucky parent when it comes to Cole. He's a pretty good kid. On the day we took these photos he was great! He was up for anything. He barely complained even though it was kinda cold that day.  On Saturday we took Cole to Toys R Us to buy something with the money Grandma Michael gave him. He was really excited and when we got home he was showing me what he got. He was just bubbling over with excitement at me being interested in his toys.  He was really patient when they were eventually taken away because going to bed with them just wasn't working out. Cameron was really having a hard time understanding it wasn't his birthday.  He calmly let us take it away. He has a forgiving nature. He is a happy go get em type of kid. He can have moments where he's super chatty and others where he is pretty quiet. 
He is a ton of fun. I really enjoy the things he pieces together. Recently we're trying wearing underwear to bed and we practiced scenarios that may happen in the night. He was having the time of his life! When he's goofy it's contagious. He tries to be super tough too when he gets hurt. I'm so thankful to have him in my life. I think he gets the raw end of the deal a lot because he's so easy going and has such a mellow temper. 

He also has a fantastic memory. I suggested getting him a cookie cake for his birthday about 2 1/2 weeks ago and he has not forgotten it. I'm pretty excited to see how happy he is when he finally gets it. 

I am so proud of him and his accomplishments. I burst with pride at the random and silliest things! At Toys R Us they did a birthday announcement for him and just watching him smile at that made me feel all warm and gooey inside. I truly love seeing him enjoy his life. 
Everyone at his school has great things to say about him. He quietly waits for them to see he is being a good little rookie and is so proud of himself when they praise him. He is expressing his emotions more using words. I have been told on a few occasions that he doesn't like me. But he quickly loves me very soon after. He is still a Dad's man though.  Dad is his favorite! They cuddle a lot and goof around a lot.
I am so lucky to have him in my life.

Tuesday, October 04, 2016

Cam's 3rd Birthday

We have officially left the terrible two's. We now have two threenagers in the home. For Cameron's birthday I was a little unprepared. I didn't really have plans for it. I think he managed to enjoy himself though. This year his birthday fell on a Sunday. So Saturday night we took the kids to McDonald's WITH a play place. It was a rough Saturday. I think all kids lose it the day or week before their birthday. I took Cam out to do his birthday photos which he was incredibly crabby for. Cameron has his own way of things and it doesn't align with photos being done. We managed to get some, but most of them were of him screaming or walking away from me. He is really embracing his personality that one.  It was so bad that I was willing to take McDonalds off the menu. Even Ryan had gotten to his end with the moods. I drove us straight home and Cam went to time out. Eventually time out ended and we went back out. Level heads prevailed...eventually.

They had a blast at the play place. I felt so lame for their birthday celebration being McDonald's, but for them it's perfect. They love their food and have a ton of fun at the playplace. It's stress free and everyone has fun. 

It was after sunset when we left. Cole came out to the parking lot which did have lights exclaiming that he couldn't see because it was dark. They were so fascinated by the dark. 

Sunday morning we had a later start which was glorious. They needed the sleep and so did I! I asked Ryan to put the gifts in a bag since I hadn't wrapped them. I was so used to that, it's what my family did growing up. I didn't care,it was a gift! Ryan ended up wrapping them. I think Cam enjoyed opening them up, but I think he would have been equally happy just digging into a bag. 

He (and Cole) love this train. I'm feeling a little irritated towards it already. They wore out the NEW batteries the first day.  They also kept popping off a wheel on it. Cam also got a LEGO fireman and firetruck. He likes it but the train totally won the day

. On Friday I took him to Toys R Us to spend the money Grandma and Granpda Michael gave him. He had a very hard time deciding. The poor child had his sights set way high in the $49-$99 range. Eventually he decided on the Fire Truck from Cars and I threw in a Hot Wheels toy since it was on sale. While we were there I got a Thomas Truck for the top of his cake. He was really excited when they threw in a Balloon for free since it was his birthday. 

On Monday Grandpa Jackson stopped by really quick to drop off Cam's birthday gift. He was pretty excited to dig into the back. He got some Hot Wheels tracks with a loop and a monkey towel! They constantly bicker over who gets our only monkey towel so this is pretty awesome.

I didn't get a photo of the tracks, only videos.  But they did love them. At first they were using the track to drive on instead of using the launcher, which was pretty funny seeing them drive the loop themselves.

Personally I am still having a hard time remembering he is 3. I keep saying he is 2 when people ask. He's a inquisitive smart little boy. He's our songbird in the house. He loves singing songs with us. I'm so excited for him to be in Sunbeams because that boy is going to sing!  He has the temperament of Hades still. He is so much fun though. That laugh is contagious. I can't believe how much we've packed into one year.  He's growing and learning every day. He and Cole are the best of friends and love each other so much. They will both sleep on the floor next to each other.  He's been a blessing in our lives. Since he loves the exciting jam packed life, I wonder what his 3rd year will bring?

Saturday, September 24, 2016


Earlier this week Ryan pointed out to me that October was just next week and I realized that I really needed to get going in planning Cameron's birthday. 
Last weekend the 17th we went up to my parents house. Our apartment complex was getting a new roof put in that morning. I woke up at 5:59AM to footsteps on our roof! The parking lot was crawling with them! There were easily 20-25 guys out here. By the time we got home they were gone and had everything finished and put everything back that they had moved. 
At my parents house we didn't do too much. Dropped off a bin to store and also went to a garage sale on their street. Ended up actually finding some good things for the boys. At lunch I played 100 questions with Wayne when I realized I didn't even get the place where he works right. Horrible Sister right? After lunch we went to a soccer game my nieces were playing in. I practiced getting some sports photos. Now I need to attend another game because I have some ideas of how to fix them. It was a nice visit. I wasn't paying attention to time and we ended up leaving a little late. 

This week we had a tiny flood in our kitchen. Ryan walked into the kitchen to get things ready to head out to work and stepped into a puddle. So started cleaning up and tried to find out the source while I got the landlord on the phone. Eventually found it was coming from the dishwasher and then found out the sink wasn't draining properly. So landlord came out looked at it couldn't get it with what he had to had to call his plumber. But while he was here he looked at our kitchen light and chatted about painting the ceilings that received some love from the water that was leaking. So looks like I get to plan a day trip sometime.
We have also made some major progress with Cam and potty training. He went on his own to the toilet to poop. Cole even went to read some books to him.
He's totally ready, he just needs his Mother to be more consistent in potty training days to help him learn.

On a walk this week I found a Monarch butterfly on the path. Poor thing must have been near the end of it's life cycle.
I thought it would move when I came up to it but it didn't. I decided to move it in case someone on the path didn't notice it. The beauty just rested on my hand. On my second time around it was on the path again! This time I moved it to a different spot to hopefully keep it off the path and way from joggers and bikes. It was really neat but I hope it wasn't too scared at being handled.
Cole is enjoying school a lot. He's doing pretty well. He has the same teacher as last year which is a good thing.  She already knows him and that helps when working with little kids. He's already warmed up to her. His bus drivers have a lot of fun with them. They laugh at me when I tell him to be good at school because apparently he's always good. It's nice to hear that he's never given them attitude.

This weekend Ryan's parents came up to watch the kids while we went out. We went to the planetarium for the show Hubble Vision. It was pretty cool. Afterwards they did a light show which was pretty brutal. We spent probably about 40 minutes in the pitch dark with pupils the size of dinner plates and then BAM they raise the lights and flash them repeatedly! Ow ow ow. Afterwards we went to uptown normal and walked there. We finally tried Insomnia Cookies. Pretty tasty. But I don't think I'd ever pay for them to be delivered.  It was a nice time out doing something different. Plus we got to chat with his parents a little bit before they headed off which was nice.

Saturday, September 03, 2016

9-3-16 Eating eggs and sick weekend.

This week has been exciting. Exhausting!  
Cole woke up early morning screaming, then later told us his throat hurt. Thursday he was saying his head hurt and Friday he had a fever.  
So naturally we all have it. Well except for Cameron. He's the best of all of us.
Cole seems to be doing much better. He isn't complaining of his throat hurting anymore.
Ryan and I seem to be about a day or two behind him so the outlook on our future looks good!

We gave Cameron a egg sandwich. He didn't eat all of it, but it seems like all system were handling it very well!
He's been enjoying the new benefits of eggs. Mainly because I've been going a little crazy spoiling him. Cole gets the benefits of it too. They've been happily enjoying donuts, cupcakes and cookies!

 Cole still wasn't feeling the best that night. Poor guy. I'm glad he's on the mend.

We found a dog on Thursday! We had just gone out for a walk/bike ride which was incredibly hard after a week off and still had some pain. On the way back I saw a pup just walking around a busy road so I asked Ryan to stop and hopped out and thankfully it wasn't a skittish pup. He just ran right up to me when I called to him. We took him to Animal Control and I posted in a Local Lost Pets facebook group. By the evening the owner had been located!

The boys really enjoyed the ride there. He's smell their legs and lick them. He was the friendliest little bloke. I'm just glad we got to help a worried family get their friend back. Also keep him from danger since we were right by a busier street and train tracks. 

So here's hoping to a better week for our health. Maybe next weekend we will all be feeling great!